22.

Where do I start; it's been so long (again). It's just about 1 am as I start writing this.

I have no idea which direction my life is going from here as much as I did when I was in high school. I have always felt directionless. Maybe it's because I am so apathetic to this world I've grown up in. I cannot fathom real events happening across the globe because I can't relate to that level of what it is. I feel like I abandon all my friends because it's easier then becoming attached and losing them or just from sheer laziness. The little, young me would laugh at this me and say "what a boring life I will never become like that" in one breath. But directionless.

Two months ago I was so hurt and sad and emotional that I wrote, what in my mind is, a completely disgusting piece of poetry. I can't even open the book I wrote it in, it sickens me. Because I can taste all those horrible thoughts dancing on my tongue.

I really don't have any idea where I'm going with this post. I think I'm mostly over tired from working so much lately that my body is just letting me do what I want so it can completely shut down later. Exhaustion.

Sometimes I wish I could talk about everything like old times with you. Boys and family and friends and work and God. But only a few of those things ever show up. And maybe I find a hole growing in my heart a little.

Perhaps I am just lonely. I think I need some friends over to stay for a long time when my roommate goes home for Christmas later this week.

It would be nice to shed this skin and walk new under a different sun.

21.

Hey everyone. It's been a while since I've given a proper update. I looked back through my few posts and looks like the last update was posted just about... 3 months shy of two years ago. So here we go.

School has been over for over a year now. I graduated from university in May of 2012 with a BA in English Literature and a double minor of Music and Religion. The thing I miss most is having easy access to an array of knowledge and knowledgeable people. Aside from the essays and exams I never thought I'd actually miss school!

That kind of transitions into work. I quit my job at the grocery store but I'm still working retail. I'm working at a Christian book store which has been a nice change from the last job. What I don't like so much is the long drive (especially in the winter!), no benefits, and upselling (I know its a business and needs money but I feel like a jerk doing it sometimes). I'm not sure how long I'll stay there for. I do need benefits and something that pays a bit better for when I move out and get a new car (my insurance will probably go up a bit).

Ah yes my car. It is getting to be old in car years. The cv boots are almost done for (and the mechanic said it would better to just get a new car and save myself the repair) and the sunroof has been super leaky this year. Fantastic.

The band is doing great. We are almost ready to record. Actually we were ready but summer caught up to us and the singer went to Europe. And I think within the time she comes back we leave for our trip. Then its back to business when we get back. We still need to find a bassist, that's our biggest blip. Even if we find someone who can just play shows.

Hmhmhm. I think that's all I'll say for now. Later!

20. A Princess & A Dinosaur

The princess looked over at the little dinosaur beside her. "What are you thinking?"

The little dinosaur made no effort to look at the princess. It stared straight ahead.

"Princess, I am lonely."