15. How Long Must I Wait

Haha, if this is a test, can I fail? :(

14. Tale of Tissues, Bones, Souls

There are time that I just want to pour my heart out to someone, let it gush completely out, so there is not a secret left scarred into these bones.

I just want someone to listen to my side of the story; even my heartbreaks and failings and hurts.

I don't want to feel alone on this planet.


I feel closer when the music rushes through my soul.

13.

I've just pretty much given up on finding anyone. I'm kind of sick and tired of seeing people I use to know getting engaged too. There is only one potential I can think of right now and honestly I don't even care anymore. It's just too hard to care for people, and I'm quite done caring for people who couldn't give the slightest about me. It's exhausting and never seems to be worth the effort. What I want and what I need are two different things; what I do and what I get in the end never match up.

Maybe I'm suppose to do this - just focus on my music and stuff instead without all the other crap getting in the way.

12. If This Is Life Wake Me Up.

If this is what they call living, stop me from what I've been doing.

Maybe I should just take the next year and travel, even if it's a road trip through the US and Canada? It's looking more and more beautiful.

11. An Old Fairy Tale Told Me

Okay. 3 episodes into the show and I'm in love. Once Upon a Time is soooo freaking amazing! Ugh, my heart! Prince Charming aka James and the sheriff are so good looking haha. But seriously, big bad wolf anybody? Heidi called that in episode 2 so we'll see if it comes true [getting some vibes from The 10th Kingdom there]. I'm hoping his back story comes in episode 6 or 7 (The Shepherd or The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter respectively). So it was Snow White and her prince's back story this week and next week is Cinderella.

Seeing as some inspiration got pulled from fairy tales and Disney I'm hoping we get some Beauty and the Beast & The Frog Prince (!!!).

Can't wait for next week!!!!

10. Seven Days of Torture, Seven Days of Bitter

Psych exam tomorrow. So NOT psyched for it. I'm so lucky it's on the brain and sensation/perception - basically a review of grade 12 biology. Which I took four years ago....

And then an English paper I haven't started yet is due Thursday.

And I work 9:15 - 5:15 Saturday.



This week is looking as promising as last week. Sigh.

9. Ain't No Killer Like Pride.

I am the war inside.

The War Inside - Switchfoot (go listen. Now.)

8. 'Cuz We're All Just Skeletons

Why is everyone having babies/getting married?

[agressively whispers] I want to know. Is there some secret?

=(

Time to leave this world, jump out of an airplane and disappear for a while.

7. We're Going Up Against the Crowd

Okay, like I've said before, I'm the worst person for updating blogs.

School is meh. As always it seems. I was having this discussion with my Religious Studies prof. and determined that it's probably because it's my final year of Post-Secondary. I'm so, so ready to be done and just get on with life. The majority of my classes this year are electives because I've finished all the requirements (with the exception of my Earth Science and 20th Cent. Music Theory this semester and English next semester) and just need the credits. So a lot of classes are things that are things I don't want to take and are slightly sketch because of that.

Work is never any better. I've been a supervisor since last September... which doesn't mean that much. Work itself looks nicer and more updated since the renovations earlier this year. But the customers are getting sketchier as time goes on. And I'm ready to move on from there and start something new... especially something that can support me living away from home.

I'm in a band now, again. This is pretty legit though. We have about 3 1/2 songs done (that just need bass and drums added). We're constantly getting more ideas though. Heading off to practice tonight. I'm really stoked for it but I'm slightly annoyed that it's only been me and the singer/keyboardist who have shown up for any of the practices. (Okay, so the other guitarist came once when we were figuring out what kind of sound we wanted and the drummer came once as well). It's not a huge deal since we have just started and she's the main music writer and I'm the main lyricist, at this point anyways.

Since the summer I've been getting back to being closer to God. For a while I was just going through the motions but for some reason, this person I met over the summer challenged me (unintentionally actually). I have this daily devotion book that I got as a gift but I never opened it. So finally I did and this weird feeling I've never really had came over me. It was crazy but I don't want to lose it. The only way to describe it was this understanding about a pure love that caused my soul and heart to be extremely thirsty as if no amount of that understanding would be enough. It was crazy; I don't quite understand it but I also wanted it to never go away.

Right now I have to say that my biggest question is what next. It's the stupidest, hardest, most broadly answerable question I've ever known. And that I don't have an answer to. It makes my head spin. Ugh.

6. Hills and Valleys

I guess life is hills and valleys. You can't expect the good without the bad.


But maybe you can learn to see the beauty in the lowest points too.

5. Tell Me Why

I'm sick of being alone.

What do I need to change?
My attitude?
My confidence?
My hairstyle?
Do I need to wear makeup to be noticed?

I just don't understand this anymore.

4. You Sound Just Like a Prophet, Man

So I was caught not updating my personal blogs. Yay for that? Perhaps.

So almost one month down into the new semester.

• I love my Music History class. The prof is amazing and so passionate about it. I had him last year for the first part of the course and am lucky to have him again! Only bad thing is that the class is huge.
• Early 20th Cent Brit Lit is good. Finally I have time to read some Joyce, Yeats, and Woolf! 
• Capstone. Trying to make it. Finding it hard because its a participation class and I hate that. Everyone else jumps in while I try to get by saying nothing. The prof *knows* me from last semester so that helps in both good and bad ways I guess. 
• Philosophy is interesting but totally blah.
• Environmental science is a bore. Not looking forward to the debate or presentations.

It's really windy outside right now = colder weather. Good and bad. Rawr.

Bestie is moving into the city!!! Stoked for that!

Nothing else is really new. More updates later.